My mother decided you were better for me

She decided I would choose you

You came into my life inconveniently

I had a different idea about my life

 

I had a man that loved me whole

A body that slipped through cracks and holes

Was lithe with a mind full of plans

And with a concept of love, wrapped up in someone who,

Believed in a different god

And then you,

You gave me another option

 

Or so others thought

You gave me another identity, another future

Another dance to dance

That was preferred to the one with that man,

My man,

The man.

 

And so I chose you

They chose you

My mother choose you

 

Could I have chosen both?

A daring thought…

Dare I think?

Dare I dream?

Dare I want?

 

She said she’d be there

She’d support

She’d care

She’d be the mother to all

But not,

If my godly allegiance changed

 

And so, I choose you.

And so, I choose not to live the life I wanted

 

My life, a dancer dancing on a stage

A body in space

A woman of grace

And now;

It’s a different costume I wear

A different beaded yoke I bear,

Across my décolletage

 

I break my gaze from yours

Which looks at me pleading

Your needing,

Is complete

Makes me want to leave,

To leave you helpless

 

Because you see,

My child, my baby

I

Hate

You